Surprise! Shhhh…it’s a secret! Did that get your attention? If so, read on…
What’s the surprise, you ask? Well, currently there is no surprise…more importantly,there’s no secret. Are you completely confused now? Ok, enough beating around the bush.
Recently, I had a conversation with another mother about how to keep our kids safe…specifically from sexual predators. One of the tactics of sexual predators of young children is that they tell the kids that what is happening is a “secret.” And kids believe that secrets are just that, secrets. So they don’t tell. It absolutely breaks my heart to think of this manipulation.
One of the things recommended to parents is that we need teach our children that,in our family, there are no secrets, only surprises. No secrets. But that we have surprises…fun surprises! That way, if a bad person tells our children to keep a secret, our children will be conditioned to know this is a bad situation and they should get help. In addition, they will also know that not telling a family member what they are getting for their birthday is a surprise, not a secret.
This got me thinking. Are there really no secrets in our families? More specifically, are our marriages secret-free? Yes, this “no secrets, only surprises” is a tactic specifically meant to keep kids safe, but let’s look at it from another perspective.
Can you say “In my marriage, there are no secrets, only surprises?”
In our family, we love surprises! I mean, we REALLY love surprises. So, when a birthday comes along, you can be guaranteed there will be a surprise in the works!
But we don’t have secrets. We used to. We used to have a lot of secrets. And it got us into a lot of trouble. Even the smallest secret can easily grow into a wall that divides couples. And if you keep one secret…then another…and another…and another don’t really seem so bad, right? Wrong.
In the Bible, God clearly shows us that when we are married, we become one.
Genesis 2:24 For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.
Mark 10:8 …and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh.
So, if we are ONE FLESH, it would stand to reason there shouldn’t be any secrets. We are one, united completely…so there is no room for secrets.
It was a game-changer when our marriage moved from being filled with secrets to being free from secrets.
Now, please know that sharing our inner truths, faults, or even just that little thing we prefer not to talk about can be really tough. It’s not easy to open up that portal of vulnerability.
The secrets that aren’t so deep aren’t necessarily any easier. Do you want to come home from work and tell your wife that you were reprimanded by your boss? Do you want to share with your husband that you lost your temper with the kids? Those “little secrets” aren’t easy to share. But you must share them. Those circumstances color your days…they create mood. And if you aren’t honest about your circumstances, then your spouse will likely come up with their own conclusion for that mood. Do you get my drift? You aren’t doing yourself any favors by keeping secrets. They cause strife in one way or another.
How about replacing secrets with SURPRISES?
What a grand idea! Let’s get rid of those secrets…ALL of them. And let’s plan some surprises for our spouse.
(Hmmm, I sense a fun “ideas for surprises” blog post coming soon!)