What are the magic words to help love abound in your marriage? We know from our last blog post that “always” and “never” are not doing you any favors. So, if those are the “bad words,” what are the “good words” for our marriages? The first two words that are magic words for your marriage are just that…the “magic words.” Are you with me? Think preschool.
That’s right, friends. You heard it here first….please and thank you, those magic words you were “forced” to say throughout your childhood are also just as magical in your marriage and relationships. Half of you are rolling your eyes, I imagine. Hear me out, though.
We tend to treat those closest to us with the least amount of respect and honor.
We usually don’t do it intentionally, but we can easily treat our spouse and those closest to us worse than a complete stranger. It’s as if we assume that they “know” we love them and respect them…so we don’t make it a priority to remind them regularly or to treat them with high regard. And that happens even with the lack of a simple “please” or “thank you.”
Our preschooler has helped to shed some light on this for me. We have taught him the importance of those words and will remind (hound) him to say them if he has “forgotten.” Well, that lesson was quickly returned to us. So, if we “forget” to say please or thank you, he loves to remind us. Here’s the interesting part…we rarely forget to use those words when speaking to him. More so, he reminds us when we are speaking to each other. So, we tend to drop these oh-so-important-words-we-teach-our-son when we speak to our spouse. Ouch.
(a topic for another day….what are we teaching our child by doing that?? whew.)
This week, when you are asking for your spouse to do something for you, say please. And when they have done something, even just passing you the salt, say thank you.
The third “magic word” for your marriage is:
Yes. That means “not no.” Yes to everything?? Not everything, but lots of things. Hear me out.
I have a theatre background and one of the three rules of Improvisation is “Always Say Yes.” Let me give you an example….
You are in an improv (making it up completely off-the-cuff) scene with someone and they begin a pantomime scene by fighting off a dragon with a sword. You walk onto the stage to join in the scene and completely ignore the dragon and the rather loud and obvious struggle between man and beast (said in movie announcer voice) and begin to tend to your garden peacefully, pulling weeds in a methodical manner.
What have you just done?? You said no. You said, no, there is not a dragon. No, you are not holding a sword. No, you are not struggling as you try to slay this beast. No, you don’t exist. The only person you are saying yes to is yourself. (and your ridiculous garden…who tends to a garden when there is a dragon to slay??)
Enough theatrical illustrations. I hope you see what I am getting at. So many times, we are caught up in what WE want to happen…in the week…in the day…in the moment….that we forget to say YES to the most important person in our lives.
So many times we are caught up in what WE want to happen… that we forget to say YES to the most important person in our lives.
Sometimes, we haven’t even heard them out completely before we shut them down. Sometimes, we don’t even know what they are going to say and we have already decided in our head that we will not agree to it. Sometimes we LIKE saying no.
By “yes,” I mean just give them a chance…have an open mind…change your mind, for crying out loud.
Don’t get stuck in a rut of only doing things one way. Or imagine this….suggest doing something that your spouse would love that you have yet to join in on.
You never want to go out for Indian food, but he loves it…..ask him to take you there for your next date night. You just said a huge YES! to your man.
She wants to do a marriage study together but you “aren’t that kind of guy?” Order a marriage bible study on Amazon Prime and watch her squeal with delight when it lands in your mailbox and you have planned an hour over lunch for the two of you to start reading. You just screamed YES! to your lady.
Challenge yourself this week. Make a point of saying…
Three magic words for your marriage.
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